Anniversaries

For Marriage

As spring unfolds the dream of the earth,

May you bring each other’s hearts to birth.

As the ocean finds calm in the view of land

May you love the gaze of each other’s mind.

As the wind arises free and wild,

May nothing negative control your lives.

As kindly as the moonlight might search the dark,

So gentle may you be when light grows scarce.

As surprised as the silence that music opens,

May your words for each other be touched with reverence.

As warmly as the air draws in the light,

May you welcome each other’s every gift.

As elegant as dreams absorbing the night,

May sleep find you clear of anger and hurt.

And as twilight harvests the day’s colors,

May love bring you home to each other.

~  John O’Donohue ~

One of the happiest days of my life was three years ago today, when I witnessed my baby girl marry the love of her life. There is something so magical about Love. It contagious and everyone feels it. It brings a spaciousness, an openness, a deep sense of well being. It might last a few hours, days, years or a lifetime; whatever time you are immersed in it, be grateful. 


Love doesn't ever go away, but the feeling usually fades in and out.  I can't help be think it has to do with us rather than with Love.  For isn't Love all there is? Isn't it always here? Aren't we always steeping in it? It's just we aren't always open to it...


Happy anniversary to a very special couple! May Love bring you home to each other for many, many more years...

The Moon

At night, I open the window

and ask the moon

to come and press its face 

against mine.

Breathe into me.

Close the language door and open the love window.

The moon won't use the door, only the window.

~ Rumi ~

It's the new moon; a time when the moon is not visible in the sky. Yet it is a very precious time to connect with the moon's energy. It is a beginning and as such offers the chance to plant seeds for fruition at a later time. Intriguingly, it is said that this new moon in Cancer offers energy to release attachment to outcomes. Moving deep into the heart space with loving kindness and trust, courage to be who we truly are is found. Recognizing our true nature comes from closing the language-door and opening the love-window.

Gifts

The Gift of Gravity

(excerpt)

All that passes descends,

and ascends again unseen

into the light: the river

coming down from sky

to hills, from hills to sea,

and carving as it moves,

to rise invisible,

gathered to light, to return

again. "The river's injury

is its shape." I've learned no more.

We are what we are given

and what is taken away;

blessed be the name

of the giver and taker.

For everything that comes

is a gift, the meaning always

carried out of sight

to renew our whereabouts,

always a starting place.

And every gift is perfect

in its beginning, for it

is "from above, and cometh down

from the Father of lights."

Gravity is grace.

~ Wendell Berry ~

I first found Wendall Berry's poetry in a collection edited by Roger Housden entitled Risking Everything. The poem chosen for the anthology was "The Peace of Wild Things." In it he speaks of "resting in the grace of the world," and how often I think of that lying in the night's stillness.

When I travelled to New Hampshire with my sisters this spring, it was a gift of grace. We live across the country from each other; so time together is especially treasured. This May's visit is remembered not by the doing, but by the being.

In each other's presence we found this little river. It was clear and swift, carrying gifts, forging a liquid path, renewing our spirits, bringing laughter and light-hearted play. Time stood still, gravity grounding us on this beautiful earth. Every gift is perfect; every gift is grace.

So come... to the river of your imagination

Mornings at Blackwater

For years, every morning, I drank

from Blackwater Pond.

it was flavored with oak leaves and also, no doubt,

the feet of ducks.

And always it assuaged me

from the dry bowl of the very far past.

What I want to say is

that the past is the past,

and the present is what your life is,

and you are capable

of choosing what that will be,

darling citizen.

So come to the pond,

or the river of your imagination,

or the harbor of your longing,

and put your lips to the world.

And live your life.

~Mary Oliver~

Sometimes it seems so out of reach, that deep desire of the heart. What is it that I really want...  Mary Oliver reminds me to live my life and to do that I need to find the river of my imagination or the harbor of my longing and know that I can choose. In fact, it is my dharma, my responsibility, my life purpose and I cannot escape from the choosing. Even not choosing is a kind of choosing.

I find myself at a sort of pause, an in-between, just finishing one phase and not quite ready for the next. With a heart full of gratitude, I begin this and each day present to each moment, full embodied and open to whatever unfolds.

More Hummingbirds

summer story

When the hummingbird

sinks its face

into the trumpet vine

and the funnels

of the blossoms,

and the tongue

leaps out

and throbs,

I am scorched

to realize once again

how many small, available things

are in the world

that aren’t

pieces of gold

or power–

that nobody owns

or could buy even

for a hillside of money–

that just

float about the world,

or drift over the fields,

or into the gardens,

and into the tents of the vines

and how here I am

spending my time,

as the saying goes,

watching until the watching turns into feeling

so that I feel I am myself

a small bird

with a terrible hunger

with a thin beak probing and dipping

and a heart that races so fast

it is only a heartbeat ahead of breaking

and I am the hunger and the assuagement

and also I am the leaves and the blossoms,

and, like them, I am full of delight and shaking


~ Mary Oliver ~

There is something about hummingbirds that just brings deep joy. Here Mary Oliver talks about feeling herself to be that small bird, full if delight and shaking.  In anticipation of their arrival, I have set out my feeders and my flowers are all in bloom. These wonderful little creatures are so amazing! Their mere presence can bring me to an ecstatic state, dropping all "I" thoughts and languishing in oneness. 

I mean, did you know hummingbirds are so smart that they remember every flower they have been to and how long it will take a flower to refill! They visit an average of 1000 flower per day for nectar and eat small soft bugs for protein. 

They can fly forward, backward, hover in mid-air, fly sideways and even upside down. The average speed of a hummingbird's flight is 25-30 miles/hour and that increases to 60 miles/hour when they are diving! And how cool is this - their wings rotate in a full circle!

Hummingbirds can hear better than humans, see farther than humans, can see ultraviolet light and have no sense of smell. At night as they sleep, they go into a state called "torpor." It sounds a lot like a deep meditative state. Their metabolic rate is one-fifteenth (1/15) of normal sleep and their heart rate can drop from 250 beats/minute at rest to 50 beats.

The more I learn about these wondrous creatures, the more I agree with Mary Oliver when she says: "As for death, I can't wait to be the hummingbird, can you?" For now, though, I will simply enjoy "watching until the watching turns into feeling..." 

Hummingbirds

Today I found my hummingbird feeder, unpacked and thoroughly cleaned it, prepared liquid food and placed it in the yard for all the hummingbirds to find.  The nectar is 4 parts water to 1 part sugar and directions for preparation are quite specific. Boil the water first; measure exactly; add pure granulated sugar and mix until dissolved; let cool in the refrigerator.

It was interesting to read that inaccurate mixtures could harm the little guys. They are very sensitive with tiny organs so it makes sense, but the directions warned that substituting ingredients could actually kill the birds. Also, it is extremely important to clean the feeder with warm, soapy water to insure all dirt, mold and debris has been removed.

By the way, using red food coloring is NOT recommended because the chemicals are quite harmful. Duh, what does that mean for us! How many foods are in your pantry with food coloring listed on the labels?  And in case you might be tempted, Kool-Aid contains chemicals that may cause death in hummingbirds.  Just pure granulated sugar and water in a clean feeder free of mold and dirt.

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy & celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us:

• life is rich, 
• beauty is everywhere,
• every personal connection has meaning and 
• laughter is life's sweetest creation.

*from the back of a Papyrus greeting card

I love to watch the hummingbirds; they enjoy each moment and are so full of energy! They remind me that joy and connection are always present waiting to be recognized. I hope to capture a photo or two this summer. More on hummingbirds later...

A lifetime isn't long enough...

Life can be hard and soft at the same time. It feels that way today. Storms are roaring through the Midwest leaving so much destruction in their paths. Then the sun comes out and all is bright and beautiful. Except, of course, the stark reality of loss. Being human seems to be such a gift as well as a struggle. And it brings the ego to its knees ~ there are no tidy little answers. No way to make everything ok. At some point we have stand and say, "I surrender to whatever this is that I am a part of."

My heart is heavy from holding the sorrow, mine and all who knew and loved my husband's dear friend. He passed away on Monday doing what he loved, playing golf. Now we walk through all of steps that follow. We try to console each other. We remember the shared experiences that nurtured our friendships. We grieve and we know how very much this wonderful man will be missed.

As Mary Oliver says, " A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world and the responsibilities of you life." I believe those responsibilities include allowing all of our feelings to be expressed, the hard and the soft. We are all so deeply intertwined and the wisdom that we are one sustains me in ways I never imagined. 

"Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no..."

---

    

The poem is not the world.
It isn't even the first page of the world.  

But the poem wants to flower, like a flower.
It knows that much.  

It wants to open itself,
like the door of a little temple,
so that you might step inside and be cooled and refreshed,
and less yourself than part of everything.  

***  

When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,

like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.

Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water-sparks from its wings.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or no.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
    like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.
This is the dark bread of the poem.
This is the dark and nourishing bread of the poem.

  ~ Mary Oliver ~

A Leaf and a Cloud