Lifelong Friends

...my first life, 

the life I admire

and want to follow

looks on and listens

with some wonder, 

and even extends 

a reassuring hand 

for the one holding back,...

David Whyte, Excerpt "My Second LIfe" 

I am sharing a weekend with lifelong friends. These women are so uniquely individual and yet similar. I witness us moving through each day, in awe of their inner strength, their joy, their struggles, and their pure being.

Many years ago I graduated from high school and chose my college for the silliest of reasons. I wanted to be as far away as possible from home. It had to be place I'd never been and yet not so isolated that I was a total stranger. I chose the University of Tulsa and enrolled sight unseen in the fall of 1965.

My best friend, Douy, was going and her parents drove us both from Springfield, Illinois. I had my father's huge trunk from his WWII military service and several suitcases. We didn't have refrigerators or computers. But we did have clock radios, over sized hairdryers, and a forbidden hotplate.

We decided to arrive before classes actually began in order to experience "rush week." For those not familiar with sororities and fraternities, this is the time you parade through various sorority houses, attend parties and teas, and if you are lucky, you are chosen to join your favorite house.

As a first-generation college student, I was excited and terrified by this totally foreign experience. I immediately liked the girls at the Kappa Alpha Theta house. Who can explain these things? It's real. It's a connection, unique and strong. As it turned out the other girls who also chose Theta would become some of my lifelong friends.

I think it is quite remarkable that you can see someone after 15, 25, or 47 years and simply pick up your friendship where it was left. We haven't miss a beat, these amazing ladies and I. Our time together is filled with laughter and tears, memories and updates, surprises and familiar connections.

Truly, the gift of this weekend is how just being together in each other's presence nurtured and supported us perfectly in a way we each needed. I am forever grateful for the love, acceptance, and encouragement I received. I can only hope I was able to provide a bit of that for them.

We Are All Connected...

Everything that is in the heavens,
on the earth and under the earth
is penetrated with connectedness,
is penetrated with relatedness."

                           ~Hildegard of Bingen


Along the jetties at Venice beach these birds gang out together. Very entertaining, they gracefully fly over the water, then meet on the wooden railing to dance and chat with each other. They seem to know that everything in their world is connected. They seem content, curious, happy. Perhaps they are just a reflection of my own thoughts.


A warm sunny spring day in Florida makes it easy to dissolve into the connectedness of the universe. Sand between my toes grounds me. Blue water reminds me to flow with each moment. The sun energizes and ignites my spirit and imagination. The gentle breeze whispers "all is well."


The ancient wisdom from all cultures reminds us everything is connected. We are all One.

Sparkling Starfishes

On the tidal mud, just before sunset,
dozens of starfishes were creeping.
It was as though the mud were a sky
and enormous, imperfect stars
moved across it as slowly as the
actual stars cross heaven.

All at once they stopped, and,
as if they had simply increased their
receptivity to gravity, they sank down
into the mud, faded down into it and lay still,
and by the time pink of sunset broke across
them they were as invisible
as the true stars at daybreak.
                                       ~Galway Kinnell


One of the best things about being near the beach is the astounding connection to being alive. The sand grounds you into the earth as the water brings fluidity to mind, the breeze offers the elements of air and space as the Sun brings the glow of fire.

In Yoga, there's a pose called Starfish where you open the arms, set the feet wide apart, and feel the heart open. Energy flows through the cells of the body sparkling like starfish. Standing on the beach in starfish, you shine like a star!

Sacred Silence

Silence is indeed sacred and many poets, philosophers, teachers speak of it. I like to think of silence as a great womb birthing all of us and all things into being.
I could fill a book with profound quotes. But these three will suffice for today...

Silence is our real nature.

What we are fundamentally is only silence.

Silence is free from beginning and end.

It was before the beginning of all things.

It is causeless.

Its greatness lies in the fact

that it simply is. 
~ Jean Klein ~

Silence is like a cradle holding our endeavors and our will; 

a silent spaciousness sustains us in our work and at the same time connects us to larger worlds that, in the busyness of our daily struggle to achieve, we have not yet investigated. Silence is the soul's break for freedom.   ~ David Whyte

The silence of a quiet mind is the essence of that beauty. Because it is silent and because it is not the plaything of thought, then in that silence there comes that which is indestructible, which is sacred. In the coming of that which is sacred then life becomes sacred, your life becomes sacred, our relationship becomes sacred, everything becomes sacred.    ~ Krishnamurti

Mothers

What is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
That which is you dwells above the mountain and roves with the wind.
It is not a thing that crawls into the sun for warmth 
or digs holes into darkness for safety,
But a thing free, a spirit that envelops the earth and moves in the ether.
~Kahlil Gibran ~ 

Another mother has passed on ~ into the great mystery. My lifelong friend, Douy called yesterday to tell me. She asked that I attend the funeral in her stead as she is halfway across the country and cannot return.

What is it about certain people that when we meet there is a "knowing?" It is rare indeed to find others to whom we can so entirely be ourselves. People with whom we are so comfortable it feels safe to just be.

It is a testament to Evelyn that she provided the space for Douy to feel safe, accepted, and loved through all the years since they met. In high school, over 40 years ago, Douy needed a mother's love and acceptance. She found it in two women, both mothers. Her boy friend's and her best friend's.

My mother also opened her heart to Douy in those days so long ago. The amazing thing is that once opened, their hearts continued to hold and nurture her. Time moves us through the stages of our lives, but relationships sparked by knowing are timeless.

Women from that generation, born before the Great Depression and young adults during the Great War (WWII) are slowing passing on from our lives. Evelyn was 92. Although I didn't know her, I sense she was a great lady.

I am honored to be touched by the spirit and energy of these women. I hold them and Douy and all of their loved ones in my heart ~ that vast open spaciousness out of which all arises and dissolves.

The Way It Is

The Way It Is

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change.  But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

~ William Stafford ~

Do you know this thread? It's your connection to the timeless, changeless Presence that we are. I was simply amazed when I read this poem because my connection to it was immediate and automatic. When I think back, I can't remember not sensing this thread. There have been times I thought I was lost, but I didn't let go of the thread. Somehow the unfolding just continues...

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Hummingbirds

Today I found my hummingbird feeder, unpacked and thoroughly cleaned it, prepared liquid food and placed it in the yard for all the hummingbirds to find.  The nectar is 4 parts water to 1 part sugar and directions for preparation are quite specific. Boil the water first; measure exactly; add pure granulated sugar and mix until dissolved; let cool in the refrigerator.

It was interesting to read that inaccurate mixtures could harm the little guys. They are very sensitive with tiny organs so it makes sense, but the directions warned that substituting ingredients could actually kill the birds. Also, it is extremely important to clean the feeder with warm, soapy water to insure all dirt, mold and debris has been removed.

By the way, using red food coloring is NOT recommended because the chemicals are quite harmful. Duh, what does that mean for us! How many foods are in your pantry with food coloring listed on the labels?  And in case you might be tempted, Kool-Aid contains chemicals that may cause death in hummingbirds.  Just pure granulated sugar and water in a clean feeder free of mold and dirt.

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy & celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us:

• life is rich, 
• beauty is everywhere,
• every personal connection has meaning and 
• laughter is life's sweetest creation.

*from the back of a Papyrus greeting card

I love to watch the hummingbirds; they enjoy each moment and are so full of energy! They remind me that joy and connection are always present waiting to be recognized. I hope to capture a photo or two this summer. More on hummingbirds later...

Connection with Presence

There are guides

who can show you the way.

Use them.

But they will not satisfy your longing.

Keep wanting the connection with presence

with all your pulsing energy.

The throbbing vein

will take you further

than any thinking.

Observe the wonders as they occur around you.

Do not claim them. Feel the artistry

moving through, and be silent.


~ RUMI ~

There is a point when the yearning to know the truth of who you are overshadows all other thoughts or desires. Just as the grass will turn green when it's time and the apple blossoms will open when ready, our heart will awaken without our effort. Only the pulsing energy, the throbbing vein, the longing will take us to this place of knowing. Just be silent and still, awake and aware, and present as moment by moment life unfolds... 

The Soft Spot in Our Hearts

I've been listening to Pema Chodron's "Awakening Compassion" and today what I heard struck a chord so deep that it is definitely truth for me.  Growing up Christian, I always struggled with the concept of original sin. It just didn't seem right to me.

Here's a different take on why we are as we are: This basic badness or original sin is actually an effort to protect ourselves, believing we are separate. But we aren't, you know. In reality we are all one. We are all inextricably connected!


The Buddhist teaching says every living thing has a soft spot (the heart). In the effort to protect our soft spot, we often do harm to ourselves and others. In fact, the teaching says that all violence comes from trying to protect this soft spot, our tender heart.


This idea seems more reasonable than the idea that we are all inherently bad or evil. To know that within each heart is a soft spot, a place where love resides, is so comforting and encouraging. All of our practices move us toward opening that tender heart. 


When the heart begins to open, we are able to feel deeply into each moment, each experience. Then the heart grows stronger and is able to open more and more until our heart cradles the whole world and everything in it.