Last Night As I Was Sleeping

Last Night

Last night as I was sleeping I dreamt a marvelous illusion
that there was a spring breaking out in my heart.
I said, "Along what secret aqueduct are you coming to me
Oh water, water of a new life that I have never drunk."

Last night as I was sleeping I dreamt a marvelous illusion
that there was a beehive here in my heart.
And the golden bees were making white combs
and sweet honey from my old failures.

Last night as I was sleeping I dreamt a marvelous illusion
that there was a fiery sun here in my heart.
It was fiery because it gave warmth as if from a hearth
And it was sun because it gave light and brought tears to my eyes.

Last night as I was sleeping I dreamt a marvelous illusion
that there was God here in my heart.

Is My Soul Asleep?

God, is my soul asleep?
Have those beehives who labor by night stopped, and
the water wheel of thought, is it dry?
The cup's empty, wheeling out carrying only shadows?
No!  My soul is not asleep!  My soul is not asleep!
It neither sleeps nor dreams, but watches, its clear eyes open,
far off things, and listens, and listens
at the shores of the great silence.
It listens at the shores of the great silence.

~ Antonio Machado

These two poems are favorites of mine. Last night I had a lovely dream ~ so very real that maybe it was...

Mothers

What is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
That which is you dwells above the mountain and roves with the wind.
It is not a thing that crawls into the sun for warmth 
or digs holes into darkness for safety,
But a thing free, a spirit that envelops the earth and moves in the ether.
~Kahlil Gibran ~ 

Another mother has passed on ~ into the great mystery. My lifelong friend, Douy called yesterday to tell me. She asked that I attend the funeral in her stead as she is halfway across the country and cannot return.

What is it about certain people that when we meet there is a "knowing?" It is rare indeed to find others to whom we can so entirely be ourselves. People with whom we are so comfortable it feels safe to just be.

It is a testament to Evelyn that she provided the space for Douy to feel safe, accepted, and loved through all the years since they met. In high school, over 40 years ago, Douy needed a mother's love and acceptance. She found it in two women, both mothers. Her boy friend's and her best friend's.

My mother also opened her heart to Douy in those days so long ago. The amazing thing is that once opened, their hearts continued to hold and nurture her. Time moves us through the stages of our lives, but relationships sparked by knowing are timeless.

Women from that generation, born before the Great Depression and young adults during the Great War (WWII) are slowing passing on from our lives. Evelyn was 92. Although I didn't know her, I sense she was a great lady.

I am honored to be touched by the spirit and energy of these women. I hold them and Douy and all of their loved ones in my heart ~ that vast open spaciousness out of which all arises and dissolves.

Listen...

Listening 

      to your heart,

  finding out who you are,

         is not simple.

It takes time for

     the chatter to quiet down.

In the silence of "not doing"

       we begin to know

          what we feel.

If we listen & hear

   what is being offered,

       then anything in life

can be our guide.

Listen... 

~ Katelyn Rahdene Langford

I found this poem on the wall at a retreat center a few years ago. Reading it again reminds me of that precious time being steeped in silence for ten days. What comes to mind is that now is the time to listen to my heart. Each moment holds the possibility to know what we feel. In the silence of "not doing" I find my retreat. 

Heart Speaking

Always speak from the heart, never from the mind.

Your sincerity and courage will set an example for others too,

And by listening to you they will be inspired to reveal their own heart.

This "heart speaking" is a spiritual practice.

It means you must only tell the truth and live within your own boundaries and dimensions

Without ever bragging about things you won't ever be able to live up to or deliver to others.

Heart speaking will bring you a gift whenever you practice it.

You will always be right.

The heart knows but cannot tell; the mind doesn't know but can tell.

Stretch yourself to speak from the heart and bypass the mind.

You will see miracles boomerang back into your life.

~Rumi~

Most of us want to believe that we are honest; that we are sincere. But do we speak from the mind or the heart? I've found there is quite a difference. Heart speaking doesn't weigh how I will look in the eyes of others. It demands that I be compassionate will everyone, including myself. 

Perhaps most importantly, it gently allows the space to feel my boundaries and move softly into my own dimensions. After a lifetime of trying to be there for everyone else, I find myself longing to stretch into that "boundless heart space." Here I am sincere and courageous ~ what a gift!

The Soft Spot in Our Hearts

I've been listening to Pema Chodron's "Awakening Compassion" and today what I heard struck a chord so deep that it is definitely truth for me.  Growing up Christian, I always struggled with the concept of original sin. It just didn't seem right to me.

Here's a different take on why we are as we are: This basic badness or original sin is actually an effort to protect ourselves, believing we are separate. But we aren't, you know. In reality we are all one. We are all inextricably connected!


The Buddhist teaching says every living thing has a soft spot (the heart). In the effort to protect our soft spot, we often do harm to ourselves and others. In fact, the teaching says that all violence comes from trying to protect this soft spot, our tender heart.


This idea seems more reasonable than the idea that we are all inherently bad or evil. To know that within each heart is a soft spot, a place where love resides, is so comforting and encouraging. All of our practices move us toward opening that tender heart. 


When the heart begins to open, we are able to feel deeply into each moment, each experience. Then the heart grows stronger and is able to open more and more until our heart cradles the whole world and everything in it.